Pippin in My Cupboard?
by LissewenLuinWilwarin
Summary: What happens when two teenage girls and a boy find Pippin in the cupboard and Aragorn in the bathroom? You really think I'm gonna tell you? Oh, ok, randomness, hyperness, and insanity! firstfic pwp plot? what plot WIP!
1. Spider, Lime Green Pajamas, Pippin?

Title: Pippin In My Cupboard?

Genre: Humor/General

Rating: G later chapters may go up because of language

Warning: hyper randomness, very little plot, first-fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or Knight's Tale (poor me). All I own is me (Lindy), Emily, and Ryan (but don't try to tell Em or Ryan that) and the plot (or lack thereof).

A/N: italics are the thoughts of whoever's pov I'm using

Spider, Lime green pajamas, Pippin???

Lindy's POV

Summer was finally here. I had just driven to Emily's house. _I can't believe I'm staying at Em's for two weeks! This is so awesome!_ I knocked on the door. Emily came out followed by her dog, Girl.

"Hey Lindy! My parents are gonna be gone for a few days."

"Awesome!"

Em grabbed a bottle of perfume and started looking for spiders. She found one and squirted it with perfume until we could both hardly breathe through the fumes.

"So what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno."

10 minutes later

"I'm bored."

2 1/2 hours later

"I'm still bored."

"Why don't we go bug Ryan?"

"Em? It's 10:30."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Rinnnggggg!!!!!!!!

Em grabbed the phone.

"Hey, Ryan!"

I grabbed the phone from her.

"Hey! Whassup?"

"Hi Lindy. You guys wanna come over?"

"Sorry dude, your parents are scarier than Gandalf in a bikini."

Em grabbed the phone back. I chased her around the living room trying to regain possession of the phone. I tripped over the coffee table and landed flat on my face. _Stupid Table!_

"Uh huh...ok...we'll be over in a few minutes."

I yelled at the phone, "That's Emily-minutes, so don't expect us before 11!"

Em glared at me and hung up.

"So what's going on?"

"His parents are gone."

"Ryan's parents left him home alone?"

"Yeah, I know. I thought they were smarter than that."

11 pm

"C'mon, Em! Hurry up!"

"Just a minute!"

11:30 pm

"Hurry up!"

"Just a minute!"

"You said that a half-hour ago!"

11:45 pm

We were finally walking over to Ryan's. A dude driving down the street was staring at us.

"What's the matter? Ain't ya never seen someone walking down the street in her pajamas before?"

Em looked slightly embarassed.

"Why lime green pajamas and fuzzy pink bunny slippers?"

"I dunno. Felt like it, I guess."

I knocked on Ryan's door.

"Come on in guys!"

We did. Ryan was playing a computer game. I put on my most threatening Eowyn impression.

"I AM NO GUY!!!"

"No, you're just a silly girl."

"Well, better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick."

"It's called a lance, hellloooo?"

"Whatever!"

Em walked in.

"Ryan, get off the computer!"

"Hey, let's watch Fellowship of the Ring!"

Ryan ignored us. Em pulled the hair on his toes.

"Owwwwwwwww!!!!!!"

He kicked her. She punched him.

"I'm gonna give you a dead leg!"

"Both of you, STOP FIGHTING!!!!!"

They did, eventually, and we put in Fellowship of the Ring.

Emily's POV (later)

Lindy got up to go to the bathroom, and I went to the kitchen to see if I could find some popcorn. _Popcorn, Popcorn? Dishes, Flour, Sugar, Pippin, Cookies, Popcorn! Wait a minute! PIPPIN????_

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!"


	2. Aragorn, Veggie Tales, HELP!

Warning: Randomness, pwp (plot? what plot?)

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or Veggie Tales. If I did, I would be very happy and definitely never eat vegetables again, but I don't. Poor me. (Somebody buy me Pippin for my birthday ok?)

Aragorn, Veggie Tales, HELP!

Lindy's POV

I got up to go to the bathroom. I opened the bathroom door and saw Aragorn sitting on the floor looking confused._ Huh?_

"I haven't been sniffing permanent markers, honest!"

Aragorn looked even more confused.

"Hey, Ryan! Do you know Aragorn's in your bathroom?"

_Is Emily screaming?_

Ryan's POV

I got up to see what Emily was shrieking about when I heard Lindy yell, "Hey, Ryan! Do you know Aragorn's in your bathroom?"

_What the heck?!_ Emily screamed again. Then I heard a loud **Thunk!** _What's going on?_ I went into the kitchen. I saw Emily lying fainted on the floor. The cupboard door slammed shut, and I heard someone yell, "Oi! Watch what you're doing!" _Huh?_ I slowly opened the cupboard door and saw. . . _Pippin?! What the heck? _Pippin was crammed in my cupboard._ Hey! He's eating my oreos!_

"You mind helping me? I'm kind of stuck!"

"Uh, right."

So I pulled Pippin out of the cupboard. Just then someone yelled, "HELP!"

It came from the direction of the bathroom. I ran towards the bathroom, and there was Aragorn sitting in the middle of the floor. Lindy was sitting on his lap. So I sat on Lindy. She started talking.

"Are you really a king? Cuz, if you are, you should wear a crown, or maybe a tiara. I think you'd look pretty in a tiara. Isn't Frodo annoying? I read that one of the Took ancestors had a fairy wife, but aren't fairies elves? A hobbit and an elf, that would be really weird. But then again maybe not. I mean your girlfriend was so totally hitting on Frodo, wasn't she?"

Lindy stopped to catch her breath. Aragorn finally managed to push us off his lap. Lindy went and sat in the bathtub pouting.

Emily's POV

I woke up on the kitchen floor. I must have fallen asleep._ That dream seemed so real!_ The movie was still playing and I heard Lindy talking. She and Ryan were probably playing some stupid computer game. _What was I doing again? Oh yeah! Popcorn!_ So I made popcorn.

Ryan's POV

Aragorn was backing towards the door looking really confused. Lindy started singing.

**"Ooooh, where is my hairbrush? Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, WWHHHEEEEEEERRRREE is my hairbrush?"**

Now Aragorn looked scared. Pippin was smirking. I went to the kitchen to find something to edible-ate.

Emily's POV

Ryan came into the kitchen. Lindy was singing Veggie Tales songs.

**"We are the grapes of wrath! We never take a bath! There's no escape from stinky grapes! We are the grapes of wrath!"**

"Why is Lindy singing?"

"You don't want to know."

"You're probably right."

**"Everybody has a water buffalo! Mine is fast, but yours is slow! Where we got them I don't know! But everybody has a water buffalooooooooo!!!"**

Just about then, Aragorn ran into the kitchen looking scared. _Aragorn?!?!?!?!?!?!?_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

20 seconds later

I stopped screaming. Aragorn really was standing in Ryan's kitchen._ This might be a dream, but if it is, it's a good one._

Ryan's POV

Emily screamed. And screamed. And screamed some more. Finally she stopped. She stood there looking confused for a second. Then, all of a sudden, she ran over to Aragorn and wrapped her arms around his neck. Aragorn looked even more scared and confused than he did a minute ago. I started laughing. Lindy came into the kitchen singing.

**"If you like to waltz with potatoes up and down the produce AISLLLLEE, have we got a show for you. VEGGIE TALES! VEGGIE TALES! VEGGIE TALE**. . .Wha-?"

She saw Em clinging to Aragorn. Then Lindy ran over and hugged Aragorn-- hard. He could barely breathe.

"Hi, Em!"

"Pfft! Back off! He's mine! Mine. My own. My precious."

"Precious? He's been called that before and not by you."

Lindy released Aragorn. Em laughed. Then Pippin walked in. Aragorn tried to walk over to Pip, but Em was still hanging from his neck.

"Help! Pippin, help me!"

**A/N: Please Review!**


	3. If Arwen could see you now, Backstreet B...

Warning: Randomness, PWP

Disclaimer: I still don't own Lord of the Rings. (someone buy me Pippin for Christmas okey dokey?) Emily has informed me that she owns herself, so now I only own Ryan and me. (Shhh! don't tell Ryan!) I don't own Selena, either. (actually I do, but it's just the dvd) And I definitely don't own the Backstreet Boys, NSync, or Britney Spears. (If I did, I would have to shoot them, and put them out of my misery, muahahaha!)

If Arwen could see you now, Backstreet Boys, TAPE!

Pippin's POV

I walked around looking for the kitchen. I found it, but I also found Aragorn with a girl hanging around his neck. It wasn't the girl that was singing earlier. That one was sittting on the table laughing so hard she was crying. Aragorn walked toward me with the girl still clinging to him.

"Help! Pippin, help me!"

This was too funny! There was no way I was helping him out of this one! As Aragorn walked towards me the other girl, the one who had been singing about a hair brush, stuck out her foot and tripped Aragorn. The boy burst out laughing.

"Nice one, Lindy!"

Lindy turned a lovely shade of purple as she tried to laugh and breathe at the same time and discovered she couldn't. There was Aragorn lying on the floor with the girl on top of him. I couldn't help it; I had to say something!

"Tsk tsk, Aragorn, I think Arwen should hear about this!"

"Shut up!"

"DOG PILE!!!!"

Lindy's POV

Everyone was now sitting on Aragorn._ Oh if looks could kill..._ I had an irresistable urge to sing.

**"Como la flor. Tanto amor. Me diste tu. Se marchito. Mi marcho hoy, pero, aaaaaaaayyyy, como me duele."**

"SHUT UP!!!"

"Don't wanna, and just for that I'm gonna sing something else! **I don't care who you are, where you're from, don't care what you did, as long as you love me."**

"NO!!!!! Backstreet Boys! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Em and Ryan went running outside. Pippin looked confused. We got off Aragorn. I ran outside singing.

**"Oooops, I did it again. I played with your heart, made you believe we're more than just friends. Oooh baby, baby!"**

Em and Ryan ran back inside.

Ryan's POV

_Noooooo! Make it stop! Tape! Where's tape? The pantry!_ I ran to the pantry and searched for tape. _Found it!_ I grabbed a roll of duct tape. Em came running by.

"Em! Duct Tape! Help me catch her!"

"Yes!"

**"It ain't no lie. Baby, bye bye bye!"**

Emily's POV

We grabbed her. She was kicking and screaming. Aragorn came into the living room. I think he was shocked that we would treat a girl like that. He would really have to get used to some things here.

"Will you stop standing there gawking and help us?"

"Uh, I don't know."

**"And they say, 'She's so lucky. She's a star.' But she cry, cry, cries with a lonely heart!"**

"If you don't help us, she'll never shut up!"

"Fine, I'll do it."

"You help Ryan hold her down!"

**"If there's nothing missing in my life, then whyyyyy do these tears come at night?"**

Aragorn pinned her to the floor and Ryan sat on her feet so she wouldn't kick Aragorn in the head. I grabbed the tape, ripped off a piece, and quickly stuck it over mouth. Lindy tried to take it off, but Aragorn grabbed her hands before she could.

Ryan said, "We should tape her hands behind her back." Then he got off her feet. Lindy immediately kicked him. She got up, but Aragorn was still holding her hands. I quickly started wrapping tape around her wrists._ Ther! I'm done! Finally, quiet!_

"Where's Pippin?"

"Look in the kitchen."

We went into the kitchen. Lindy tried to follow us, but she tripped and fell on her face. I think Aragorn felt bad about helping us tape her mouth shut, because he stopped and helped her get up. In the kitchen I saw Pippin going through the fridge. He had already eaten most of its contents.

Lindy's POV

_Ow! Stupid chair! Oh, great! Now I can't get up!_ Aragorn helped me up.

He whispered, "I'm sorry. We wouldn't have had to do this if you would be quiet."

_Ohh, how cute. He feels bad. I have a feeling he's gonna be gullible._ I nodded and tried to look sorry and innocent. It must have worked, because Aragorn really looked like he was about to help me.

"Alright, I'll unbind your hands."

_Yes! This was easier than I thought it would be!_ Aragorn untaped my hands. I ripped the tape off my mouth.

"OOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"

**A/N: Review now, or I will sic my legions of sea monkeys on you. MUAHAHAHA!!!**


	4. Threats, Legolas, Don't hurt me!

A/N: This is my world! Randomness reigns!

Disclaimer: I don't own Aragorn, Pippin, or Legolas. (I only wish I did.) They belong to the great subcreator, J. R. R. Tolkien! I don't own Emily; she belongs to Daniel. (If she reads this, she'll kill me.) I own me and Ryan (at least until Ryan reads this and claims he owns himself, but we all know better, don't we?). Disclaimer done, now read my story!

Threats, Legolas, Don't hurt me!

Ryan's POV

Rrrippp!

"OWW!!!"

_What the heck? Uh-oh, that was Lindy. _I went back to the living room. Aragorn had untaped Lindy. _I really hope she doesn't start singing again. _She didn't, at least not yet._ Uh-oh! She looks mad!_

"I'm gonna get you when you least expect it. Just wait, I'm gonna kick you into next Tuesday! I'm gonna kick you in the head, and I can cuz we're not at school, and I'm not wearing a skirt!"

Yeah right! Like you can catch me by surprise!"

_Like she's actually going to do anything to me! _Em piped up, "Alright you guys, it's two in the morning and I'm tired. Can we figure out where everyone's gonna sleep and go to bed?

10 minutes later

Pippin was sleeping on the couch. Lindy was sleeping on the living room floor. I was sleeping on my bed, and Emily and Aragorn were sharing the bed in my parents' room. (Don't ask me how that happened.) _Oh great! Pippin's snoring! How am I supposed to get to sleep now?_

Later, that morning

"Owww!!!"

I woke up and my head hurt. I saw Lindy standing by my bed.

"I told you I would kick you upside the head when you least expected it!"

She smacked the back of my head.

"Ow!"

I punched her in the stomach. She bit my arm.

Emily's POV

I woke up to thumping and yelling coming from Ryan's room. Aragorn woke up. He looked really confused. I think he forgot where he was. I went to Ryan's room to see what was going on. Lindy and Ryan were fighting. Lindy was really beating Ryan up. Ryan looked like he could use some help. Lindy was probably really ticked off about us taping her up. I decided Ryan could handle this on his own. He really didn't need my help.

10 minutes later

Ryan and Lindy stopped fighting. They were just yelling at each other now. Aragorn tapped me on the shoulder.

"Umm, Emily?"

"Yes."

"Uh, we have company."

"Huh?"

"Look outside."

I did. _Why is everyone from Middle Earth popping up at Ryan's house?_ I stood there staring at Legolas. _Oh no! Lindy has a crush on Legolas! This is bad! _I ran outside. Legolas looked confused. He nimbly climbed a tree._ What is he doing? _Legolas took out his bow and an arrow and aimed it at me. _Uh-oh! This is really bad! _I put my hands in the air and prayed he wouldn't shoot me. Just then Aragorn came outside. He chuckled.

"It's alright, mellon-nin. I'm surprised that you're so scared of an un-armed girl."

Legolas just glared at him, but he did put away his bow. I ran over to Aragorn and whispered, "We have to hide Legolas! Lindy has a crush on him, and if she sees him. . . Well, you've seen how she acts." _Oh no! Legolas is climbing out of the tree!_

"Quick! Tell him to hide!"

Aragorn motioned for Legolas to get back into the tree. Legolas just stood there looking confused. It was too late! Lindy came running outside. While Lindy was rushing towards him, Legolas had drawn his twin knives from behind his back. Somehow she dodged the flying blades and wrapped her arms around his neck. Aragorn shouted, "Legolas! STOP! Don't hurt her!" Legolas put the elven daggers away. Aragorn and I walked over to him. Lindy was clinging silently to a very freaked out Legolas.

"Where am I? Who is this? What's going on?!?!"

"You're in a different world, in Ryan's backyard. This is Lindy. I'm Emily, and I'm not really sure what's going on."

I don't think my answers were very helpful because Legolas now looked more confused than before.

Lindy's POV

_LEGOLAS! _I ran to hug my absolutely very favoritest elf! _Huh? Daggers? Uh-oh! _I dodged the two shiny pointy things and hugged Legolas, the most prettiest elf ever! Aragorn yelled at him. Legolas put the two pretty shiny pointy things behind his back. He asked Em and Aragorn a whole bunch of questions. Em answered him, but I have no idea what she said because I was busy staring at my handsome elf.

A/N: Sorry, not much happened in this chapter. The next chapter should be more interesting, but I still have to write it, so expect my usual slowness. :-P

**If you don't review, I'll put Ryan in a box and mail him to you! Review now, or suffer the consequences!**


	5. Amoeba, My Elf! The Closet

A/N: Sorry for the _loooonnngg_ hiatus! I had a terrible case of writer's block, and I'm suffering from clinical depression so my natural randomness generator has stopped working. The last half of this chapter would not exist if it weren't for Emily's brilliant (perhaps insane is a better word) inspiration! Huzzah for Emily! Oh, yeah...mild slash warnings on this chapter (reeeaaaallly mild...not even really slashy or anything...just warning the homophobes!)

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody (well except for Ryan, but he'll never admit it). I don't even own parts of most of the last of this chapter!

I also don't own a watch...or a mustang...or a pet hedgehog. (um, yeah...on with the story!)

Amoeba, My Elf! The Closet

Lindy's POV

_He is so cute when he's confused. Huh? Ow! Where's my Legolas! (insert temper tantrum here)_

Aragorn's POV

Legolas must have been tired of Lindy hanging around his neck. In one swift motion he unwrapped her arms from around himself and leaped backwards. Lindy lost her balance and fell down. Legolas ran to hide behind me.

"Make her leave me alone. Please?"

"Easier said than done."

Just then Ryan crawled outside. He was wrapped in a cream colored blanket.

"Look at me! I'm an amoeba!" (A/N: except he pronounces it ameebea)

Ryan crawled to Lindy. Lindy screamed.

"I'm a foot-eating amoeba!"

"Owowowowowow!"

Apparently, Ryan has sharp teeth.

Emily's POV

"Look at me! I'm the one-and-only foot-eating amoeba!"

Everyone looked at Ryan.

"What? Why is everyone looking at me?"

Lindy gave him THE LOOK. The (deep breath) you-are-so-insane-that-even-I-don't-understand-you-and-have-no-idea-why-I-even-know-you-in-the-first-place look.

"Ryan, shut up!"

He gave her the puppy dog eyes. Legolas looked really confused. Ryan suddenly noticed the elf standing three feet in front of him, and the puppy dog eyes turned into a look of pure joy. That's generally a good thing. Ryan's puppy dog eyes tend to be deadly weapons.

"Is that Legolas?"

"No it's a madman planning to murder you who just happens to have long blond hair and pointy ears and is dressed like an elf."

"Oh, ok."

He started pouting. Ryan was really slow sometimes.

"Yes, Ryan, this is Legolas, and he's in your backyard."

He started jumping up and down excitedly. (Ryan, not Legolas.)

"Ryan, chill out!"

Ryan, however, did not chill out. In fact, he ran into Legolas' personal space whilst bouncing around and asking him questions and telling him how cool he is. I felt really bad for Legolas. He now had both Lindy and Ryan to deal with.

Lindy's POV

Ryan continued bouncing around Legolas for what seemed like an eternity.

_Hey now! He better stay away from my man! Well, actually he's an elf, so that makes it different. No, it doesn't! It doesn't matter! Actually, it does because if Legolas were a man, he'd probably be all dirty and smelly like Aragorn. Ay carumba! Just do something about the fact that Ryan is WAY too close to your man...elf...whatever!_

I jumped up and ran over to Legolas. Ryan was still rambling and hyperizing and being way too close to my elf.

"Pfft! Back off!"

Emily piped up, "Ryan, chill out! You're acting gay!"

"I have no problems with you coming out of the closet, just not with my man--uh--elf."

Ryan expertly combined pouting and puppy dog eyes.

"I am not gay!"

"Youcould sure fool us."

"Shut up!"

He stormed into the house.

"Was it something I said?"

Em rolled her eyes at me.

"What?"

Legolas still looked to be in a state of utter confuzledyness.

"Why did you say Ryan was in the closet and what's wrong with being gay?"

"Cuz Ryan is in the closet, and I'm not really sure what's wrong with being gay. You look pretty when you're confuzled."

Legolas looked even more confuzled (and pretty) than before.

"But he's not in the closet!"

"Yes, he is!"

"No, he isn't!"

"Uh-huh!"

"No, he isn't. I can still see him."

"So?"

"Huh?"

"Lindy! Stop confusing the elf!"

"But I'm not being confusing!"

"Yes, you are!"

"How?"

"Legolas doesn't know what 'in the closet' and 'gay' mean now! He thinks you're being literal!"

"Oh yeah, I knew that!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Uh, excuse me, but could either of you please explain what you're talking about?"

Emily turned an interesting shade of pink which turned into red which turned into purple.

_My best friend's an everlasting gobstopper!_

"Um, no, not exactly, no."

"Geez, Em, you wimp, I'll explain it."

I explained the meaning of 'gay.' Did I mention that when I get into teaching mode I'm very thorough and give details and examples and stuff like that? Even Emily learned something new. She was also turning a lovely shade of green.

_Wow! I wish I could change colors like that! Why didn't Emily ever tell me she was half chameleon half gobstopper?_

Legolas was also looking slightly horrified; well, more than slightly...a lot more.

"You mean people actually do that?"

"Yeppers!"

"And Ryan is one of them?"

"Well, we're not really sure. If he is gay, he's in the closet."

Em seemed to have regained her composure good enough to speak.

"That means he's keeping it a secret."

"Oh...he is?"

"We don't know for sure."

"But you think he is?"

"Well, I do, but Em doesn't."

"Oh..."

Just then Ryan pranced outside wearing my shoes and my flowery bandanna. He had Emily's box of hairstuff and was wearing about five scrunchies on his wrists.

"Can I do your hair? Pretty, pretty please?"

"Um, who ya talkin' to, Ryan?"

"I dunno. Legolas has pretty hair."

Legolas looked scared, _really_ scared.


End file.
